"Hate" is a rather strong word

[lifeartist]

I am married and I am unhappy enough in that marriage to pull the divorce trigger, with all of the financial and psychic toll that will take on me; however, I'm not sure if I hate my life. Nevertheless, I will post my story here.

My unhappiness with my 23 y.o. marriage shares many common themes expounded upon in MRA boards -- b*tchy wife, lack of a decent sex life, etc. I even can blame feminism, but feminism is more responsible for creating the mangina I was when I married than the emotional terrorist my wife has turned out to be.

See, I thought a good marriage was one of equal partners with shared decision making. My feminist-poisoned mind judged the way my dad dominated the decision making in his marriage to my mom. I was going to be different! I was going to marry a strong woman who would stand up to me!

So I did. Big mistake in retrospect. My wimpy mangina ways resulting in her dominating the relationship. I could stand up for myself when I deemed it important enough, but those times have been rare. I have determined that I don't have it in me to take back the control that I should have never relinquished. Therefore, divorce is what I have chosen as my way out of misery.

The thing is, I have trouble calling the marriage a mistake, mainly because of the two wonderful young adults it produced (20 y.o. S, 18 y.o. D). I'm not even sure that sticking it out this long was a mistake, because I have been able to live with my kids all during their growing up years.

I may change my tune if the divorce turns nasty and I get scr*wed. But at this point I hold at least some hope that it can be amicable.

[rebel]

In a sense, you are lucky that you could maintain a healthy relationship with your kids.
Best of luck to you. There are strategies you can deploy to avoid many pitfalls of divorce.

[markymark]

Lifeartist,

Is there any way you could avoid divorce? Hawaiian Libertarian (I have a link to him on my blog) had a bad marriage too; he learned some PUA stuff on male/female dynamics, and he says it helped him have a good marriage now. Would that be possible for you? I don't know; that's why I'm asking.

I don't know if it would be worth the fight you'd be in for to retake control of things. Judging by your story, I think you'd be in for a WHALE of a fight; since you chose a strong woman, I don't know if it would be possible to do this without great cost. I don't know if you could do it without a divorce in the end. However, if you can avoid a divorce, it would be better for your kids. Even though your kids are adults, they WILL be affected by it.

Don't get down on yourself too much though. Thanks to feminism and PC, we've all forgotten that women want a man who they can look up to; women want a man who's superior to them. It's a primal drive that, when you look at their role in things, makes sense; by picking the strongest man who'll mate with her, a woman is ensuring the transmission of her genes. It's God's way of seeing the species go on.

Unfortunately, we didn't hear this in school, on TV, in the movies, or anywhere else; all we heard was the 'new, enlightened message', a message that too many of us bought into. Though I'm not married, my love life wasn't what it could have been because, prior to unplugging, I bought in to the bullshit too. In that respect, humans are no different than computers; GIGO applies here. It's worse for the younger guys, because they NEVER heard or saw this like you did.

In any case, I wish you well. Go check out HL's blog; e-mail him if you can. I think he might be able to help you; if there's a chance for avoiding divorce and all the attendant costs that go with it, then that chance should be pursued. After all, divorce WILL affect your kids. However, based on your story, you may have a horse that, no matter what you do, is not willing to be tamed-at least not by you. If that's the case, then best of luck to you you. Since the kids are adults, you won't have CS to worry about. As for alimony, I don't know. Best of luck in any case. Please let us know what happens, will you?

MarkyMark

[cobalt]

"I could stand up for myself when I deemed it important enough, but those times have been rare. I have determined that I don't have it in me to take back the control that I should have never relinquished. Therefore, divorce is what I have chosen as my way out of misery."

Having been married to a miserable shrew myself, I know what you mean - you have to pick your battles, because they're gonna be doozies. As for "taking back the control," gotta be careful there. If you speak to women in the only language they understand, you'll get arrested. You're in a bad spot. Clearly you can't control her, but you can control yourself, as in walking out the door.

Perhaps you've threatened leaving before....what was her response: "Go ahead!" "You're bluffing!" "Do it and I'll own you!" Was it some such threat as that, or have you maintained stealth as to your intentions?

I would opt for stealth, just try to be prepared and to minimize the damage (and it will be damaging to you in many ways). As you're entering uncharted waters, you need information. I would suggest talking to a lawyer - not to initiate the divorce, just to get advice.

Keep us informed! Good luck mate.

[khankrumthebulgar]

I can remember thinking in my first Marriage, "Is this what Marriage is? Being with somebody who disrespects and emotionally manipulates and abuses you?". My first marriage was to a Control Freak. It was a nightmare. Now that it has been over for many years. We divorced in 1995, her Second Husband is on the abuse end of the stick. I feel for him. I really do. She is still trying to manipulate me, and it isn't working. She has only two years left for our youngest to reach the age of Majority. And he can come live with us anyway. She has no leverage to manipulate me anymore. And she knows it.

She is a manipulative compulsive Liar. Who exaggerates, makes decisions and expects other Adults to support her decisions. LMAO being freed of her is one of the best things that ever happened to me.

[khankrumthebulgar]

The common tactic that has become the American Woman is to be a Slut before Marriage. And close up the "CO OCH Buffet" afterwards. In other words I call this strategy, "Inducement to Sale". The promise of Sexual Bliss before Marriage is held out. Once she commits she abruptly commits fraud and changes completely. You literally don't know the Real Woman you married. All Sex is on her terms. You have no say in the matter.

Remember this National statistic in the US. One in Five Marriages is Sexless, Sex occurs once a Year or less. Why marry her if you are not going to have a Lover. My first Wife hated being called my Lover. But that is what a Wife is. If she does not embrace that kick her to the curb immediately. She is unfit to have any interaction with. Any.

[modelautoman]

I have read in certain blogs where the statement was made that God
made women to be a test for men. You think that statement is correct?